This week we are talking about Souther Sir's article about how he came to terms with his kink and learned it was OK to hit someone if they asked for it.
For those who don't know Souther Sir is one half of LovingBDSM a podcast where he and Kayla Lords discuss everything Kink and BDSM related. It is a brilliant show and they are well worth checking out.
Centre Parcs has pulled adverts from The Daily Mail after Richard Littlejohn wrote a homophobic article on how he couldn't accept it was normal for two men to parent a baby.
There is no specific article to point to here just the sensless loss of human life that was the shooting in Florida. Our hearts go out to all the families involved and we hope this is the turning point that will make American politicians see there needs to be change.
This is a really great article from Southern Sir on how coming to terms with what you like isn't always straight forward and even when you do accept it, sometimes your feelings take a while to catch up. But with a little education and understanding you can push past your problems and be who you want to be.
I was in my mid-twenties when I first dipped my toes into kink. At that time I had no idea there was a name for BDSM or that there was a community devoted to it. What I did know is that there were things I liked that were outside the norm of what I perceived relationships to be. What I wanted was wrong or deviant, but certainly not normal.
During the mid-eighties I discovered I loved tying up my then-wife. I used whatever I had handy at the time - scarves, neckties, and even the tie from my bathrobe. I had a pair of handcuffs in the nightstand next to my bed. Playing like this with my wife allowed me to express a certain freedom, and we both reveled in it. Sadly a year and a half later our marriage fell apart, and it was a rather rough breakup.
I blamed the kink for a big part of the demise of that relationship. Because of that, I turned my back on my kinky feelings and desires and decided that they were wrong and not normal. For many years I buried those feelings way down deep where they would never see the light of day and toed the line with strictly vanilla relationships.
For a long time burying my desires seemed to work well for me, but underneath the surface I always felt there was something wrong. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I never quite felt complete or whole. Fast forward to my late thirties early forties, I was doing a websearch on the Internet which was still in it’s early days at that time. At this point I don’t even remember what the search was about but I do remember what came up in the search results.
It was a website called Leather and Roses. The name caught my eye immediately, and I clicked on the link. It was a BDSM site and warned viewers that only those of legal age should enter. Entering the website caused a dam inside me to burst. Soon I was digging through the site reading all the articles on Dominance and even on submission that the site contained. I couldn’t get enough.
All the feelings and desires I had hiydden away and denied for all those years came back to the surface waving a gleeful flag. It was a major revelation for me that I wasn’t alone, and there are others that had the same feelings for these things. Even better there was a name for what I wanted and enjoyed.
One would think that from there it was all easy peasy. I embraced my kinky side and all was well with the world. Right?
From the discovery of that site I began researching more about this thing called BDSM. It was fairly easy for me to embrace my Dominant side as that was a natural part of who I am. There was another side of this that wasn’t so easy for me to embrace.
BDSM is made up of several things: bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. The bondage aspect I already loved, having explored that years before. The power exchange of Dominance and submission was new to me but I grasped the meaning of it and what it entailed fairly easily.
Then came the sadism and masochism part. In my digging and learning, I also discovered the visual aspect of BDSM and found myself drawn to images of people being not just tied up but also spanked, flogged, caned, and whipped. What really threw a wrench in my gears was the excitement I felt looking at these images. My mind raced and my blood boiled in a new and exciting way.
I’d also found the Gor books by John Norman - a science fiction series that takes place on an alternate Earth where men are dominant and women are sexual slaves. I dove into the series, reading voraciously and basking in this world where men just took what they wanted from women. (Note: even while reading these books, I understood I couldn’t behave like the characters in the book. The excitement was in the fantasy.)
Even so, it created a conflict of who I might be and who I thought I was supposed to be. I’d been raised in a fairly religious family that taught me from a very young age you never, ever under any circumstances raise your hand to a woman for any reason. Never.
Here again I found myself in a tailspin and a contradiction of terms. This kinky thing was drawing me in and yet it went against everything I was taught to believe in. I stood at a precipice once again. Do I walk away from it like I did when I was younger and bury these feelings and desires away from the light of day once more? Based on my upbringing it might sound like the right answer, but the thought didn’t sit well with me.
Since that internal dam had burst open during this discovery of BDSM, I felt more like the me I was meant to be in a way I hadn’t felt in a very long time. I continued reading what I could find on the web and learning as much as I could. I found out about something called a munch - a local gathering of people who lived and enjoyed BDSM and met once a month to talk and socialize.
That got my gears turning again. Does this exist here in my local area? Could I go to a munch and meet other people like me? Again I searched online. Finding a group in my area took time - remember, the internet was still fairly young at the time. Not everything could be found with a single Google search. But eventually, I found my local community. When I attended the munch, I was welcomed by a rather large group of friendly people. The first time there I was rather reserved and didn’t talk much but everyone was very friendly and open.
As time went on and I got to know people in the community I began to make friends. An internal battle still raged within me. How could I really hit someone? I became friendly with a submissive woman at the munch. I mustered the courage to ask her about being spanked. I explained my feeling to her about my conflict in regards to hitting and spanking someone. It sparked an interesting conversation which went a long way to help me understand consent and gave me an eye opening look into the mind of a masochist.
She explained to me how she actually liked and in many cases needed to be spanked. How being spanked freed her mind from other concerns and while I couldn’t grasp it at the time she did her best to explain subspace - that floaty, out of body experience some submissives experience during a particularly intense scene. In telling me this she also explained that it wasn’t just anyone that could spank her but only someone that she trusted and knew when to stop and not take it too far.
Listening to her explanation was was an epiphany for me. Spanking or hitting someone wasn’t abuse. By providing it (under specific circumstances), being hit fulfilled a need for them, giving them something they wanted and in some cases, genuinely needed.
It wasn’t long after that I met my first submissive and she brought up the topic of spankings. I was a bit trepidatious. Instead of refusing her, we talked about it in detail and eventually I spanked her. We both thoroughly enjoyed the moment and talked about it at great length afterwards. She was also the first person I ever struck with a paddle and a riding crop.
From that moment, I felt fully complete, like all parts of who I am were in place and I was on the path I was meant to be. The shame I felt all those years ago as a young man vanished as I found that there are others like me who enjoy BDSM. I was able to move past the last (important) hurdle of the stigma of hitting a woman and move forward on my journey into the BDSM lifestyle.
To get to this point, I had to educate myself, embrace the idea I liked and wanted things outside the norm, and be willing to ask questions and listen. Thanks to a conversation at a munch with someone that was able to explain the consent, communication and trust required for spankings I was finally able to become the person I was meant to be and embrace the life I desired. What’s the lesson here? Don’t ignore your feelings and ask questions. Learn as much as possible. And embrace who you really are.
It has been a while but we are back and things are a little different. No article this week just catching you up on what has been going on and what is coming
New Zealand police have shown off a police car repainted in pride rainbows rather than the normal blue and white. They are showing they support the LGBTQ community and are keen to help and understand where they can.
As an organisation we look to enocourage staff to use who they are, not loose who they are when becoming a police officer
The head master of a private school doesn't think his pupils should date or have sex in any way, and to back it up he says he will expel any students who are found to be in a relationship. Read more
The pope has been in Chilli to try and help smooth over problems caused by a priest being accused of multiple sex abuses against children. Rather than calming tensions the Pope has accused the victims of slander. Read more
Things are changing for Kink Craft this year. Part of the time off over the last few weeks has been about rethinking what we are doing.
Kink Craft as a company selling things isn't going to carry on this year. It has been a lot of fun and we have ennjoy every moment of it but sometimes you have to face reality and look at what is working and what isn't.
We get to work with some really amazing companies who really want to change the world like Sheets of San Francisco, Godemiche, and others.
We would never have been able to spend time with them and have so much fun if it hadn't been for KC.
We would not have been able to meet them if it weren't for KC and being out in the amazing community talking to some of the best people you could ever want to meet.
The courses are not going to vanish, they are all going to go up on YouTube so everyone will have a chance to give them a go if they want to.
We really enjoy doing the content and being part of the amazing sex blogging community. Right now we just don't know what we want to do.
We love putting the content out and talking about it, talking to others about it, and having new ideas and discussions because of it.
Right now things will carry on, we have a fair bit of content ready to go and we really don't want to loose that. So we will be putting it out in the coming weeks.
Something I would really love to do is a monthly panel discussion between a number of bloggers each month. Would be so interesting to hear them discussion things rather than just writing on their blogs.
We will be at Eroticon in the middle of March. We are looking forward to being there and making things with people.k
This week we are talking about what are the best kinky podcasts out there.
Over the last few months the Australian government have been having a postal vote on should they allow same sex marriage. That has finished and it was approved with over 61% of the vote. It is now up to the government to enforce the publics opinion and pass the laws required to make it officially sanctioned.
An Australian couple who were opposed to same-sex marriage said they would get divorced if the public voted too allow gay couples to marry. Now the vote has passed people are asking them when they will get divorced.
The Australian version of The Spectator has sparked outrage by comparing same-sex marriage to marrying the devil on their latest cover.
Turing Law, something we previously covered is now find its way to Scotland. Like in the UK gay men convicted of same-sex offences in Scotland before the laws against them were dropped are to receive full pardons. Just like in the UK living men would have to apply for a "disregard", but all men who have died will be automatically pardoned.
From the article here are some podcasts you should check out:
Podcasting, as we know it today, is still a relatively new medium. The word itself is a portmanteau, devised by a BBC journalist named Ben Hammersley back in 2004 – pod (as in the brand name of that very familiar MP3 player) plus broadcast. Although others prefer using “Portable on Demand” to avoid a direct reference to the company behind that famous MP3 player – which makes sense as download and play isn’t restricted to it alone.
And it is, in 2017, a medium in very rude health. Whether you were one of the millions of listeners addicted to Serial, or can’t imagine not starting your week with Ira Glass and This American Life, the last few years have seen a firm resurgence in podcast popularity.
It’s not hard to see why. Podcasts make a trusty companion on a dreary commute or long drive, whether as a source of entertainment (think of Mark Kermode’s hilariously ranty reviews on the Wittertainment film podcast, or the behemoth popularity of My Dad Wrote a Porno), a ground-breaking method of storytelling (like the mysterious world of Welcome to Night Vale, The Black Tapes, or Homecoming) or a font of knowledge on pretty much every subject you can imagine. And yes, that includes the worlds of kink, fetish and BDSM, with podcasts a-plenty to provide an education for your ears only.
Which makes it an ideal medium for beginning kinksters wanting to explore and learn on their own terms, in their own time. There’s a big degree of privacy, it’s free, and all you need is a way of streaming and a pair of headphones. Voila – at your fingertips is a world full of kinksters sharing with you their personal knowledge, thoughts and feelings, as well as educational facts and impassioned rants and raves.
So, if you’re a fledgling kinkster wanting to broaden your knowledge, have some questions answered or just generally immerse yourself in chatter from likeminded voices, these five podcasts provide a solid foundation to your kinky learnings.
The Dildorks After connecting on social media, bloggers Bex Caputo and Kate Sloan met in person back in 2015, and a beautifully dorky friendship was born. They are the hosts of The Dildorks, an antidote to media depicting sex as “naughty,” mysterious, gross, indecent, or self-explanatory. Their shared enthusiasm and curiosity for the subjects they tackle (which span the gamut from sex to kink to porn and beyond) is utterly infectious, and with episode titles like The Dom Before the Storm and Aftercare Laughtercare... well, you know you’re in for a wonderfully fun (not to mention incredibly dorky) time.
Join Bex and Kate every week if you’re into rhapsodic raves and impassioned rants about everything that’s engaging their hearts, brains, and genitals (as they put it on the website).
The People of Kink What started out as one podcast – The People of Kink, or TPoK, as it’s also known – has evolved into an educational network setting out to educate and reduce stigma on all topics of sexuality. The message here: “you’re not alone”, which is something many fledgling kinksters (no matter what floats your boat) need to hear. The episodes of the original TPoK podcast are still available to listen to on the website (185 of them, no less) in addition to all the new shows and content, and they form a great basis for people wanting to gain some kinky knowledge in addition to some reassurance.
Practically Kinky Wondering just how to incorporate kink into your life and making it work on your own terms? Then browse the archives of Practically Kinky, a podcast devoted to... well, exactly that: hands-on, practical discussions about kink. Sydney and Logan Hart tackle topics like roles in kink, body worshipping and emotional labour. The show seems to be on a bit of a hiatus (the last episode released back in February) but fortunately there’s plenty of back catalogue there to help expand your kink knowledge.
Why Are People into That?! Writer, teacher, media-maker and all-round powerhouse of awesome Tina Horn is the host of the wonderfully titled podcast Why Are People into That?! (or YAPiT, for short). Let’s face it, at one point you will have thought this exact same question: what is it that attracts people to this fetish, or that kink? Each episode sees Tina and a guest interviewee (guests have included Reid Mihalko, Nikki Silver, Micky Mod, Rachel Kramer Bussel, James Darling, Tristan Taormino... seriously, it’s a who’s who of brilliant) non-judgementally explore the nitty-gritty of a particular topic. Want to know what it is that attracts people to spanking, or butt plugs, or pegging? Craving to sate your curiosity on matters of sexting or humiliation play? It’s all there, and Tina is more than happy to tell you just why people are into it.
Loving BDSM Blogging powerhouse Kayla Lords and her Sir, John Brownstone host the Loving BDSM podcast, a mix of opinions, rants and ramblings, and insights into one couple’s 24/7 D/s relationship. Kayla always speaks frankly and openly about her continuing journey of evolution into her sexuality and her life as a submissive babygirl, and brings that frankness, along with a solid pinch of her special own-brand cuteness (it is their superpower, after all) to the podcast. Fun fact – they also have a Redbubble shop for the podcast, in which you can buy some adorable Loving BDSM-themed goodies.
Of course, there’s also Kink Craft’s very own podcast, in which Pixie and Andrew talk about sex news, things seen around the internet, and the latest posts on the Kink Craft blog. Which, when you think about it... kind of makes this a bit of an Inception moment, doesn’t it?
Sorry for the delay in this weeks discussion, there have been a lot going on on top of a halloween photo shoot which means everything has been pushed out.
By the looks of it there is a good majority of people voting yes to gay marriage (64.3% as if the latest figures) but these things are always off the mark so only the final numbers will tell.
A medical student has been convicted as a sex offender after engaging in consensual sex with someone he met on Tinder after roughly handling her breasts. The assault took place while the couple were having sex when he pulled her hair and grabbed her breasts.
Note: We do not condone non-consensual sex of any kind, but it does seem this sets a chilling president.
We discuss some of the great ways you can learn from the Internet and some good sites that will teach you a thing or two about your kinks. From FetLife to Kink Academy there is so much to see and learn and the web is a great place to start if you don't have anyone you can talk too (or even if you don't but neither of you know enough).
A long long time ago (OK not that long ago really in the scheme of things but when we are talking about the internet things have changed rapidly) if you wanted to learn about something then your choices were to go to school, read a book, find a community to educate you or learn on the job. Obviously there are lots of overlaps between these things and they didn't, and still don't, operate in isolation of one another but what if the subject you wanted to learn about or the community you wanted to find was not what one would call main stream?
Clearly that made things much harder, it is not like you could take a BDSM 101 class at your local college however if you had a good library there is a chance you might have picked up a book or two on the matter but otherwise your only hope was to find likeminded folks and create a community. Classified ads were one such place where you might have had some luck but clearly that was not without its pitfalls too.
Without a doubt the internet has changed all that. Now anyone with access to a computer (or electronic device) and an internet connection quite literally has more information and knowledge at their fingers tips than they could ever possibly have time to read and that goes for kink too.
It is quite literally a whole new world where finding information is no longer restricted because the subject you are interested in is adult or niche in nature. In fact it was almost as if the internet was designed with exactly that in mind.
I was in my mid 30's when I first started to be interested in kink and it was the internet that led me to my biggest discoveries about my sexuality. Online I found not only information but communities of people who were interested in the same things as me. Suddenly I not only had things to read and learn from but people to talk to about it as well. Without a doubt the internet changed my life in that regard, I went from someone who had always felt like something was missing to someone who not only had a clue what that was but eventually found it and took that knowledge and experience and shared it with others online.
So we know that the internet is full of wonderful juicy information but we also know that there is an awful lot of it and to be quite frank not all information is created equal. There are numerous articles online that explain, in what at first glance almost sounds convincing, why the earth is flat but that does not mean they are the articles you should be taking to heart and basing your geographical knowledge on and the same can be said for kink and sex related content.
Clearly this is the tricky bit when content is so plentiful the issue becomes not the amount or even finding it but identifying if it is any good or not. There is no one single way of doing this but something's to keep in mind when reading:
As I have already said content is plentiful and finding the good stuff can be tricky but here some suggestions of excellent places to get you started.
Fetlife - This is a whole site dedicated to everything kink and fetish related. However finding stuff can be super tricky. My advice would be to start by searching for things in your local area and making some friends. Once you have done that it will be easier to find content that they recommend.
Kink Academy - Without a doubt this site is the largest repository of education kink videos online. Both the breadth of subjects covered and the amount of fabulous educators featured here makes this an amazing resource. There is some free content but most of it membership based and prices vary depending on how long you want to sign up for. This is also a great place to discover kink educators many of whom have their own websites where you can find more stuff by them.
Two Knotty Boys - For basic knot tying Two Knotty Boys is a great resource. Sadly their Youtube channel has been deleted and they seem to have pretty much given up making new content but you can still download some of their videos here
Submissive Guide - This site was started back in 2009 and is quite frankly jammed packed full of content that deals with a huge variety of subjects around submission and D/s. The site is run by LunaKM but much of the content is written by a variety of different contributors making this a really diverse resource.
Loving BDSM - This started life as a podcast but has since transformed into a complete community resource. The podcast still takes place but there are now videos, written content and a forum where you can chat with other kink folks. Lots of it is free but there are some extra special goodies for members, and fees are eminently reasonable.
This week we are talking about the pony play article written by Emmeline Peaches. It was a little rant heavy but there is so much going on that it's hard to not do it.
This week Hugh Hefner died, while he isn't someone we have thought about much, digging into his life a little has revealed some surprises.
It is easy to see Hugh Hefner as a dirty old man, and perhaps at the end of his life that is something he has earned. But it is worth looking at some of the good he has done in his earlier life to see who he really was. Besides being a Guinness World Recording breaking scrap booker he was an advocate in the 1950's for gay rights and and sexual rights in general. He also championed black music in the late 1950's with people like Ella Fitzgerald or James Brown.
That isn't to say it has been all clear sailing and there have been plenty of peeks into what really happened behind the gates at the Playboy mansion. There is certainly a sleazy side to the whole thing, and that is what I have always seen when someone mentions Hugh Hefner. It is hard to not see someone taking advantage of young women, but it seems life is much more complex than that.
Officials in the DOJ have intervened in a discrimination case against a gay man who says a company fired him simply because of his sexual orientation. In a surprise move the DOH sided with the employer arguing that it is entirely legal to discriminate against gay employees on a federal level.
The Department of Justice now insists that Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which outlaws discrimination in employment based on sex, does not provide any protection for gay people.
As the Australian post vote over whether gay marriage should be allowed in the country continues a junior minister for defence personnel has instructed the department to find a way out of the current protections that in place for non-binary soldiers.
If the change is successful it would revoke any protections in place for gender-diverse people serving in the military (in the field and support roles).
A new study of young British people found that only two-thirds defined themselves as completely straight. With 14% saying they are "mostly" attracted to the "opposite sex", while 9% equally attracted to both sexes. Leaving 3% mostly attracted to the "same sex".
This is a dramatic shift from Baby Boomers (born between 1960-1980) who 88% identified as completely straight.
It was a thought provoking article this week and one that has a lot more depth too than we can really do justice. The first place to start is what is pony play and why people enjoy it, but we quickly moved onto the types of pony and their roles. There really is so much to unpack that I think we could easily talk about it alone for a whole show.
But something else came up and that is how much of this is based on the culture of the country it is in?
The Western relationship with horses, especially in the UK and Europe, is long-standing and very complex.
Horses are technically 'domesticated' but no one would ever imagine cooing over a horse in the same way they might a dog or cat. Instead, there's a certain amount of dignity that comes with the human/horse dynamic: A sense of inherent respect for the ever-untameable spirit of the stallion and the eternal elegance of a show horse in dressage.
Horses are, even when owned, a commanding creature.
The aesthetics of the horse seems to have an extreme appeal too. Horses are paired with rulers and nobility in art (their heads deliberately shrunk to exaggerate the strength of their owners) and studied extensively by the great masters. For many (myself included) the most striking painting in London's National Gallery is George Stubb's Whistlejacket.
The prominence of ponies and horses in Western culture was inevitably going to bleed in to kink culture and pet play. And, much as you'd imagine, its erotic existence is just as uniquely interesting as our relationship with the animal that inspired it.
Pony play is a sub-genre of the pet play fetish, which involves at least one handler/owner/trainer/sir/mistress and at least one individual who takes on an equine role.
Even the briefest glance at the pony play kink will reveal its heavy BDSM connotations. Most noticeably pony play highlights bondage and domination, with its many forms of restraint (inspired by horse riding tack and described as such).
Given this, it's no surprise that there are two main types of pony play scenario: Those involving people who fully embrace equine roleplay (they are naturally horses) and those who are being 'forced' in to their tack (they are humans being treated as horses). In the latter case, humiliation fantasies may also be at play: with the position as a master/mistresses' new play thing being the main point of arousal.
Either instances usually involves three different types of pony. There's the Show Pony, who gets dressed in pretty tack and must meticulously model their gear; Riding Ponies, who will be ridden by a dominant; and Cart Ponies, who must cart their dominant around (sometimes in public) and may be whipped for motivation. In all instances, tack, riding crops, and whips will likely be employed and various degrees of humiliation or praise are possible.
These extensive subdivisions are fairly intricate and stand out for their complexity, even among the pet play community. There may be different dynamics for pups, a fluctuating relationship with pussies, and an almost mainstream vibe to bunny girls and boys, but pony play takes the red ribbon for categorisation and presentation.
As is expected, the somewhat stand-offish and almost professional relationship dynamic present in humans and horses also allows pony play to be more transferable to a conventional BDSM relationship. Affection doesn't necessarily exist as a fundamental requisite of any play scene. Things can remain purely rider and beast and that shows in the framework of pony play itself.
But another standout element of pony play is that it's well known outside of the kink circuit and people seem to like it...a lot.
My first experience with pony play was as a teen and it wasn't what you'd expect.
I didn't stumble upon it accidentally while browsing the net.
I didn't slip myself in to a sex museum to get some 'alternative' (and probably more efficient, at that time) sex education.
Instead, I saw my first pony on the middle shelf of a high street magazine retailer on the front of the now retired Bizarre magazine.
This was at least ten years ago and, although not exactly pervasive in society, pony play was at least accessible.
Now pony play is never that far from public exposure. Traditional 'bits' are sold alongside other ball gags in most adult stores and high-class cat walks are becoming a bit more equine; with hoof shoes gaining so much attention that they routinely trend on tumblr.
Fashion seems to be the conduit for most people's exposure to (and acceptance of) pony play and I count this as kind of inevitable. Pony play gear is well-made, inherently elegant, and has immediate fashionable appeal. This seems to have readily drawn people to pony play, or at least its gear, and through fashion people have learnt to embrace fetish.
This is very reminiscent of people's relationship with corsets and leather gear and is both a good and a bad thing. On the one hand, it helps to normalize fetishes and niche desires, which is awesome! It also means that undiscovered ponies will have more chance of finding their herd, minimalizing isolation. But, alas, this does also trivialize the intricacies of pony play too and contextualize it in ways far removed from the fetish itself.
The popularity and acceptance pony play has been afforded doesn't seem to have transferred to other pets, either. Pups, particularly, are still approached with ridicule or scepticism, and this is a shame.
It is people outside of the pony play community, not the community itself, that have caused this dissonance. As such, there's not much to be done except put one hoof in front of the others and keep representing pony play with pride.
There are, thankfully, many fully-fledged pony play fetish communities willing to teach new ponies the ropes (or reigns), and you're almost guaranteed a warm whinnying welcome.
Just be prepared to save up: tack is not cheap.
An Austrailian church has told a straight couple that cannot marry them because they support gay marrage. In letter to the couple, the church’s pastor had written:
“By continuing to officiate it would appear either that I support your views on same-sex marriage or that I am uncaring about this matter. As you know, neither statement is correct.
“Also, if the wedding proceeded in the Ebenezer St John’s church buildings, the same inferences could be drawn about the Presbyterian denomination. Such inferences would be wrong.”
The PM wadded in wanting to protect the rights of chruches to discriminate against who they want to.
Kid Rock has apparently launched a run for a seat in the Senate in 2018 and decided to open it by ranting about LGBT rights.
“But things shouldn’t be this complicated. And, no, you don’t get to choose, because whatever you have between your legs should determine the bathroom that you use.”
Sentator John McCain wants to allow anyone to serve in the US military if they are willing and able to do so. Their orientation should have no effect on their acceptance.
"When less than 1% of Americans are volunteering to join the military, we should welcome all those who are willing and able to serve our country, Any member of the military who meets the medical and readiness standards should be allowed to serve -- including those who are transgender."
It truly is a thrilling job like no other. I get paid to beat up men, while they enjoy every last second of it - it really is as good as it sounds!
For people not into the scene it might sound a little odd, but men with a fetish for wrestling fit gorgeous girls hire me - and other women like me - to fulfil their fantasies. It’s fun, it’s sexy, it’s great for keeping fit, it’s exciting and can be competitive.
Wrestling is a kink of sorts and I think men wrestle women because they enjoy the physicality and closeness it brings. It’s sensual without being sexual. It’s also cathartic - a release from their day to day lives. And they get to feel the raw power that women possess, dispelling the myth we are the weaker sex!
There are dozens of ladies on the books of companies across Britain and the scene is much bigger than most people would imagine. In London alone, there are several wrestling businesses and the girls are doing well which tells you that the demand and talent to satisfy it is out there.
Recent expose in mainstream media has certainly helped raise the profile. The quality and diversity of the wrestlers keeps on improving too which makes the scene a very attractive place to be.
Guys are fortunate here too as most of the companies put on live shows which gives them the chance to see girls wrestle each other competitively before getting to sample the delights of the women through ‘mini-sessions’. For the guys, these are great, affordable ways to experience what different girls have to offer.
Regular filming takes place for a number of clip stores that gives people the opportunity to see wrestlers - male and female - in action on the mats via the click of a mouse.
It’s a safe, thriving and thrilling scene full of professional and responsible women determined to provide men with every opportunities to satisfy their deepest desires.
The thrill of competition is what brought me into it in the first place 10 years ago. I’ve been a martial artist since I was a child and I’m trained in a number of styles such as Taekwondo, Judo, Karate, Muay Thai Kickboxing.
I met a model on a shoot who mentioned she was a session wrestler and that peaked my interest. I wanted to learn a new combat sport and asked her to show me the ropes and it took off from there.
I started training, learning the moves and enhancing my skills with each and every match. And of course, I loved doing sessions with men and earning a living from it! I’ve never looked back. I’m a freelance wrestler - on the books of some companies or guesting at other venues either for sessions, filming or appearing at shows.
But every girl is different. It’s not essential to have a background in combat sports before you start wrestling. Many girls do but there are plenty of others who had no experience of fighting beforehand but have gone on to become household names in the scene.
I, myself, had a martial arts background but no real ground fighting skills. The key is a willingness to learn as well as having fun. Get that right and you can develop and make a name for yourself.
Most requests I get from men are for semi-competitive wrestling sessions, which involve skill and strength but with a huge emphasis on fun and more than a little trash talking!
Sometimes I do get a guy who is strong, experienced and a talented wrestler which makes the session fully competitive and more intense. I also get creative, depending on what a guy is into. For example, I offer foot domination sessions where submissions are earned by using your feet. Others might want more smothers or pins or even beat down style moves used so I accommodate as best I can.
Clothing is important too. Some guys will want me to wear certain things be it bikinis, one-pieces, fishnet tights etc and if it’s in my wardrobe then I’m happy to accommodate. And if it isn’t in my wardrobe, they are more than welcome to buy it for me!
But the crucial thing is they have a great time and get what they wanted out of it - after all, they are paying! I charge £175 per session (the average cost in London is around £150) including a mandatory deposit.
How sessions tend to go are that I turn up, check the venue and ensure the mats are clean and facilities such as showers are working, ensure there are towels and then - when the client arrives - talk through what they want and what their levels are before we get on the mats and have immense fun!
I am grateful, flattered and delighted for the positive feedback I get and am fortunate to have regular clients. They tell me I’m skilful, flexible, beautiful and unique, which is lovely to hear.
I have always wrestled both men and women. Both bring different challenges but both are amazing fun.For the men, it’s a turn-on. They’re not usually out to play hard and compete with sheer intensity. It’s a joy for me to make them submit through my range of bendy and flexible moves while they get a total thrill out of the experience.
Women tend to be more skilful and flexible than men and this in turn makes matches more competitive. There is less of the kink element in most of my matches with the girls although I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy rolling around with some of the beauties in our scene!
I thoroughly enjoy wrestling both men and women as both excite me in different ways while also giving me two different types of work out.
For anyone starting out or thinking of getting involved, the main thing is having a desire to listen and learn. Training and regular sessions will help you develop.
But always remember to have fun and enjoy it. If you’re not enjoying it, then you are definitely doing it all wrong!
When I first discovered I was submissive, I believed myself to be only that. A submissive partner who craved discipline from and the power of my Dominant partner. Those things are still true. What I found out along the way, as I began to explore the world of Dominance and submission more, was that there was another part of me. A part I was afraid to name.
I’m not just a submissive, I’m also a babygirl. Babygirls, and their babyboy counterparts, fall within the little spectrum of what we most commonly call the Daddy Dom/little girl (DD/lg) dynamic. Just because we call it DD/lg doesn’t mean that’s the best name, though. DD/lg can make others who aren’t Daddies or little girls feel excluded which is sad because like any other kind of kink, everyone who wants to experience it, should.
Figuring out my babygirl side and admitting it were difficult processes. I couldn’t admit it to myself at first, and then confessing to my partner, John Brownstone, made my stomach hurt. The reason? I believed a lot of myths about DD/lg, and I wasn’t comfortable with what I thought that said about me. For anyone else who believes they know what DD/lg is all about, it’s time to bust a few myths.
“Ugh! She called him ‘Daddy.’ Bet she’s got Daddy issues.” Actually, no. Kinksters come from every walk of life so yes, some of us probably do have emotional issues we need to work out about our parents. Being into DD/lg isn’t about solving underlying neuroses we’ve suffered from childhood thanks to our father. Actually, in some ways, it takes the best part of a parental figure - nurturance, guidance, and protectiveness - and wraps it up into a partner that, for many of us, in no way reminds us of our father.
If we all have Daddy issues, how do you account for all the Mommies in the dynamic? Does that mean those people have Mommy issues? Well, I guess if you’re already judging the Daddies, you might think so. Take it from someone who has a relatively positive relationship with her family, no, being into the DD/lg or any other variation isn’t a substitute for the therapy I need to deal with my childhood.
Age play, defined as a type of role play where one partner assumes the characteristics of a child while the other is their caregiver, is a legitimate fetish and kink. It might include diapers, pacifiers, bottles, toys, and other items associated with children. For a time, the “young child” gives up all control and power to their parental figure who assumes all responsibility for them as you would any child.
Yes, it can be a part of a DD/lg dynamic. No, it doesn’t mean the people involved are pedophiles. More importantly, it’s not some required within the DD/lg dynamic. Like every other kink, some people like it, and others don’t. Many of us who identify as a “little” think of it in a much more abstract way. We still have some autonomy even when we’re expressing our younger side. We’re not all into age play.
From the outside looking in, DD/lg relationships look fairly relaxed. The Dominant partner tends to be indulgent and gentle. The submissive partner may be giggly or even bratty. There’s often a lot of teasing, whining, begging, and otherwise being “little” for the submissive. We do this for a million and one reasons but primarily so that our Dominant will be the caregiver we need in the moment. And for the record, my Daddy Dom can be extremely stern if I really screw up, so don’t think you know about my dynamic when you see the indulgent version first.
For some kinksters who prefer a heavy dose of discipline, protocol, and decorum with their D/s, DD/lg doesn’t look like a power exchange relationship to them. Well, it absolutely is. It may be a gentler exchange, one where comfort and kindness take precedence over discipline and protocol, but the Dominant is definitely in control, and the submissive consents to it. Don’t yuck on my kink just because I do it differently.
DD/lg or Daddy Dom/little girl is the most common name we give the dynamic but that doesn’t mean it has to be heteronormative. Although, yes, I admit that it’s depicted in a much more cis, straight, and white way, and we as a community need to work on that. A more inclusive reference to the overall dynamic is Caregiver/little which doesn’t imply a specific type of Dominant either.
Female-identifying Dominants might use Mommy or Daddy. Not all Daddies want to be called “Daddy.” Both Caregivers and littles come from every aspect of the gender and sexual spectrum. DD/lg or C/l (while unfamiliar to most is probably better) are no different than other D/s dynamics in that what matters most are that the people involved enjoy the power exchange and find what works for them. Names, titles, gender, and sexual preference are unique to the people involved.
Kinksters really can’t win, can we? Either we’re all trying to be children (we’re not) or we’re either too young or too old for it. The assumption, in which our biases show up very clearly, is that in a DD/lg relationship, the Daddy will be older and the little will be younger. But no one is allowed to be too young or too old. Insert eyeroll here.
Older couples, Doms who are younger than their subs, and younger people (as long as you’re of legal age) have every right to express their power exchange, relationship style, and kink in whatever way suits them. Yes, you can be in your 60s and consider yourself a little boy or girl, and a Dominant partner can definitely be younger than their submissive. The only time age matters is in determining if your partner is legal or not.
Everything in BDSM, kink, and D/s exists on a spectrum. There is no one single right way to have a power exchange relationship with someone else. All that ever matters is that you have the consent of your partner, you understand the risks, and you communicate - a lot. After that, call yourself Daddy, Mommy, or All Mighty Leader of the Kink World if that gets you and your partner off.
The Caregiver/little dynamic can be whatever the people involved want it to be. You don’t have to like it to accept it, and you don’t have to want it for yourself for it to be okay for other kinksters. For those who really want the nurturing, gentle, kind D/s relationship that DD/lg represents, don’t reject it because of false myths you believe. Find what works for you, call your partner what you like, and forget what anyone else thinks about how you get your kink on.
Strictly come dancing star Susan Calman has said she is "offended" by the row over her dance partner on the show. The openly lesbian comedian has faced critisim online for agreeing to dance with a male partner. She also notes she is getting a lot more critisim than the fellow competitor The Reverend Richard Coles who is gay.
“For the gay community to criticise me and try to get me what they want to do is, I think, as difficult as suggesting the straight community are trying to. No one is holding me hostage in this room, making me wear a dress and dance with a man. I want to learn how to dance,”
This week Lagos in Nigera held a plus size fashion event, it was well attended and showed off all manner of fashions and designs. But it has sparked critisim for promoting obesity through fashion.
Conservative MP Jacob Rees-Mogg has said he would go to a gay wedding and would probably enjoy it, despite believing the practice should not be allowed.
"Marriage is a sacrament and the decision of what is a sacrament lies with the Church not with Parliament.”
Former prime minister John Joward thinks that children in the country would face consequences is same-sex marriage was legalised as he puts his support behind the "No" campaign.
“The clear evidence is that you have outcomes that are superior for children in the longer term if they have a mother and a father,”
Note: In fact, the Australian Medical Association and the Australia Psychological Society said that there was no scientific evidence to prove that children of heterosexual families had better outcomes.
An interesting article in the Guardian caught my eye this week. Is it right to split the price of a date? What happens when they then ask you back to theirs.
Nestlé have create an entirly natural pink chocolate that uses no artifical colours or ingredients. Read more
Puppy play is one of those things you hear about and see on the Internet but don't often get to see first hand unless it is something you are into. This week Emmeline talks about why she enjoys it and what she and her handler get from it.
As I was walking my dog today I realized why observing him brought me so much joy.
Dogs are carefree, adventurous, curious, and high-spirited. They are, in every sense of the word, boundless, and they live their life in the moment and to the fullest.
Yet, although dogs may also enjoy independent exploration of the world they also happen to be loving, dedicated, and sweetly submissive. Who wouldn’t want to bring at least some of these traits into their sub/dom dynamic?
To give a short synopsis of a rather extensive sub-division of kink, puppy play is a form of fetish in which users get pleasure from either enacting the role of a dog (usually a ‘puppy’ mentality) or through being the owner/handler/trainer of such an individual.
As you can imagine, there’s a lot of roleplay involved in the puppy play fetish, especially for the submissive, who will either take on a partial or total animal persona that they act out in the framework of the scene/play session that they’re part of.
Puppy play may sound bizarre at first but the premise is very much like that of any other sub/dom dynamic.
For the person taking on the role of the puppy there is a certain appeal that comes with the release of responsibility that we are faced with on a day-to-day basis. Many of these people also feel that dogs have the positive attributes mentioned above and being able to embody them is an empowering act.
Dogs, unlike slaves or adult babies, also have their own sense of independence which is always accessible when desired. Where a slave might be reprimanded for being a bit too playful or defiant, it’s almost a given with a pup. Where an adult baby or toddler may feel like being disobedient or a bit aloof, it is out of character for their role, dogs can sometimes be a bit quirky in their behaviour.
As such, the puppy play community sometimes consider themselves as having a rather liberating sub/dom dynamic, and this can have a large appeal to anyone who doesn’t count themselves as a complete sub.
In addition to having a fun dynamic, puppy play also has a playful sense of fashion which can almost be described as part-kink, part-furry.
Leather is highly featured in the puppy play community, fuelled in part by the strong link between the puppy play community and the Gay kink community (making for one badass combination). This striking look involves harnesses, collars, and leads but also paw pads and shoulder pads to facilitate practical pup-like movement.
For vegetarian and vegan pups there are also leather alternatives, vinyl, and PVC to create a similar aesthetic, so no one gets to miss out on the kinkier aspects of puppy play fashion.
But, in addition to this more conventional kink attire, pups also get to wear puppy hoods should they choose – headwear made to look like a dog. These hoods can be partial (perhaps just ears and a muzzle) or full but the selection of the right hood can be an incredibly thrilling part of the process.
There are all types of hoods out there too – from cutesy, sweet puppy hoods with floppy ears and a playfully lopping tongue right through to hardcore leather hoods with a fierce snarl and a metal spiked mohawk. Once in the hood users can experience sensory deprivation but also, in many cases, a sense of immersion which helps them get into the puppy mindset and enhances the incredible sense of release that puppy play provides.
Oh, and collars too. Not unique to puppy play but highly significant. I’m sure you can figure out why.
For those who like playing the pup, the puppy play movement may seem like a natural (and exciting) progression of their sexual, or relationship dynamics, but there are, of course, concerns out there from those who just don’t ‘get it’.
As with adult babies and paedophilia, some people may hear ‘puppy play’ and make the knee jerk reaction that such people are into bestiality or so-called zoophilia.
This, as you can imagine, is entirely incorrect.
People in to puppy play don’t have an attraction to dogs. Rather, they want to either embody (or be dominant over someone who embodies) the positive traits that humans project onto dogs which they find attractive or appealing.
Puppy play enthusiasts understand that they are not dogs and that humans can never truly embody the actions nor mentality of dogs, but sometimes playing the role of a dog is just…well…fun.
Chances are anyone who loves puppy play also counts themselves as a dog lover and would never wish to see any distress or abuse imposed upon them, which would include sexual acts attempted with them. As a pup myself I can vouch for the fact that just the thought of such an act of abuse is incredibly distressing.
Besides, in a world where bunny girls and feline femmes are seen as the height of female sexual attraction then what’s wrong with pupping it up from time to time?
Puppy play is complex, diverse, offers a range of consent and play options, and allows people to explore some of the best traits of man’s best friend. What’s not to love about that?
The fact that puppy play comes with its own unique fashion options is also a huge appeal and the fact that some of it can be purchased at your local pet shop is a massive bonus (or, should that be bone-us?)
So, if you’re looking for a BDSM sub-movement and feel like you want to embrace your inner canine then why not dip your toes into the puppy play movement from time to time? No doubt you’ll be welcomed with excited barks and wagging tails.
This week we are talking about our article Sex blogging: Why gender makes absolutely no difference written by Innocent Lovetboy.
Big thanks to Hot Octopus for putting us on their top sex podcasts list
As one of the leading UK department stores John Lewis has taken the surprising step of getting rid of gendered clothing. Their own lines will now no longer be aimed at a specific gender.
Students at a school in Sudney are protesting a homophobi bishop on their school board by covering the crests on their blazers with Rainbows.
A boy in Texas has been suspended from kinder-garden for having long hair.
Being male and wanting to blog about sex isn't the norm, in fact it is very unusual. We have been able to meet a lot of UK sex bloggers and they are overwhelmingly female. But that doesn't mean you have to be female to blog about sex, being male and having something to say can be very important.
Let's address this issue without flinching. Despite what the media try to tell you there are undoubtedly some amazing male sex bloggers out there. They may be harder to find - or slightly lower in profile - than some of the female big hitters, but they are there. There are lists made, posts written, and networking at events, and you only need to do a quick Google search to find a male blogger.
However this is my tenth year of writing a sex blog. When I started, I was one of about two boy bloggers around. I was the most active, I was the most honest - and, although the following years brought fresh blood to the pack, I was (for a while) the youngest.
For me this doesn't feel odd. I've gone through life - education, training, and work, as well as socially - making my way in what are traditionally (and unfairly) seen as female-dominated areas. My classes at school were primarily girls; it was the same at university, my second degree finding me as one of three boys in a year of over 100. Most of my friends are girls, I don't have any brothers, and every boss I've ever had has been female.
Why does this affect me sex blogging? Well, it doesn't. I don't feel outnumbered, outclassed, or alone. I love blogging and I love bloggers - why should it matter that I'm not a lady? It doesn't bother me.
While the reception I've had among the blogosphere has been mostly positive, the mainstream media is a completely different animal. Girl bloggers get a certain degree of exposure, which is well-deserved in some cases, yet occasionally stems from the fact that "it's a girl writing about sex!" is something which can be easily, and unfairly, sensationalised. As a boy, I'm expected to be bolshy about sex and talk about it constantly with my male friends. Boys don't do that - genuinely, they don't.
It's the lack of conversation I got from my peers which prompted me to start my blog, so perhaps the reaction I get when I tell people - one of polite incredulity - isn't an unexpected one. I don't tend to ask what people think: what am I expecting? Do they suddenly have visions of me with an incredibly overactive sex life, extraordinary fetishes and a predatory attitude? I think that's pretty unlikely. Most people have some degree of sexuality - all I'm doing is talking about it!
One thing which does set me apart from other sex bloggers - of any and all genders, including male ones - is that there isn't a lot of kink, BD/SM, or toy reviews. From what I've seen, a lot of boy bloggers review sex toys, are in a D/S relationship (or are part of a couple), are polyamorous or have a particular kink. What sets me apart seems not to be the fact that I'm a boy; it's that I'm vanilla!
I'm fine with all these things, by the way, but none of them apply to me! In fact, the reaction from other sex bloggers themselves has been more similar to "what DO you write about?", not having a proclivity to focus on or a niche to carve out. I find that lack of rigidity incredibly freeing, more than anything else - it means I can write about whatever I like, giving my readers (and myself) more of a variety in the sort of content I'm likely to get out. A lot of the best blogs do this - audiences love a wide array of things to keep them entertained.
On the other hand, there are bloggers who have told me that they have nothing to write about because they have to write about a specific kink they have, or if they only review toys, or something similar. This often seems to me like it can hold bloggers back - if they're putting pressure on themselves to turn out content they think everyone expects of them, than can be a little dull, and frustrating for the blogger as well, especially if they're just doing it for attention, rather than desire. I've always said: it's your blog, so write what you want, rather than what you think people want!
I've never found it difficult to write about sex, to the point of running a session at Eroticon '17 about keeping your blog going. I just click "new post", open the compose window and go!
In among all this muddle, one thing I have been asked a fair few times is my opinion on the idea of more men blogging about sex and sexuality. As I've said above, I'm far from being the only male sex blogger out there, but I am one of the more seasoned ones... and I've seen it happen. I've even seen men pose as women because they think they won't be read otherwise. I think it's a positive thing for anyone of any gender to share their views on sexuality - that's what blogs are for, inviting discourse! - but I don't really think gender matters as much as sexuality does. I've seen brave attempts at male sex blogs started by people BECAUSE they are a boy, or IN SPITE OF the fact that they aren't a girl, which really doesn't help!
So why don't men write sex blogs? We do! You just need to look... or, better yet, ask!
Donald Trump officially instructs the US Military to stop accepting transgender troops into service.
To go along with a public vote on whether the country should allow gay marrage, they also want to ask if the public wants to ban face coverings in public.
Check out the video of a dad going mad at this.
Austrailian MP claims gay people stole the word "Gay" from them and now they want the word "Marrage" as well.
The archbishop of Sydney has claimed the UK should be a warning to Austrailer on equal marrage.
The Finish government opts to keep laws that force the serilisation of trans people who want to change their sex. They are seen as suffering from the disease of "Transexualism".k
Does sex stop at 39? Of course not, if anything sex can get better once you are 40. But everything you see in the world suggests it only happens between 20 somethings. We are here to say that isn't the case.
In the age of pixels and videos, airbrushed ads and billboards, sex sells, but only glamourous sex, only the sex of youth and beauty. Let’s be honest, we live in a world where no one wants to see ‘mature sex.’ In fact, in our visually oriented lives, sex and age are not words that compliment each other. Sex between people over forty is something best kept out of sight, out of mind.
When viewing scantily clothed people, we want them to be attractive. When reading a sexy novel, the characters we see in our imaginations are fit, lean and beautiful when they sweat and writhe and frolic with one another. Bottom line – visible sex is for the thirty and under crowd. For anyone much older than that, invisible sex is the standard.
Sexual invisibility definitely applies for anyone over forty, especially women. And that’s not necessarily bad. While sexually invisible, we might be, if anything, we have more sexual freedom and fewer inhibitions than those who are younger. A great deal of the more relaxed attitude we have toward sex is because of that invisibility.
Sex and youth and the biology that drives us are meant to preen and flaunt, attract and arouse. The survival of the species depends on it. Even though these days it’s less about procreation and more about recreation than it was for our cave dwelling ancestors, the biology is still there. And the truth is that after a certain age, our sexuality becomes irrelevant. If we’re planning to do our part in guaranteeing the next generation, we’ve already done the deed. Tick that box and move on. At that point, our sexuality becomes whatever we’re willing to make of it.
In a share group about female sexuality I sat in on once, several things became very evident. For younger women there was far more stress around having sex, far more pressure to be having it often and far more pressure to be seen as sexual and attractive. Among those of us over forty, there was a quiet confidence. There was a sense of adventure that had less to do with the need to be thought of as ‘doing it right’ than just the need to enjoy the hard-earned freedom that comes from our experiences. While for the younger crowd, attraction is a key ingredient, whether it’s the upkeep of the ‘lady garden’ or the best way to display the package, for the older, been-there-done-that-crowd, it was more about creative sex and the sexual self at the centre of our own journeys. There was less to stress about, there was a subdued sense of anticipation.
I can only speak from my own experiences and observations. If I’m honest, it’s possible that some of my comments may come from a tiny bit of sour grapes at wondering why the age of young and beautiful sex passed me by so quickly. But speaking for myself, whether visible and beautiful or invisible and raunchy, sex is a far deeper component of who I am that I ever could have imagined when I was twenty and the world was new to me. The many layers of sexuality have become more obvious and more important now that I’m well past forty.
The stunning connection between sex and creativity, between sex and the timeless wild woman who lives at the core of me is a brave new world to be explored without the stress of finding a partner and being sexual eye candy. The discovery of just how far beneath the skin my sexuality actually goes is an endless adventure, explored as much through the avenue of my writing as through the physical act. In fact one deepens the other. Even the sexual explorations with a partner become less about looks and more about something that goes core deep, something a lot freer, something we feel far less of a need to control.
In many ways, it’s our naughty little secret that people who are past the age of beautiful sex can be horny and filthy and fuck like rabbits. Who knew? And in truth, no one really wants to know unless they’re over forty. And then that naughty little secret becomes a much-needed lifeline to something powerful enough to move us past the loss of youth and beauty into the exciting new world beyond.
Perhaps the very best thing about sex invisible is that the pressure is off. What we do or don’t do in bed is all right by us. Fewer things embarrass us, fewer things frighten us, fewer things worry us. That alone can’t help but improve ones sex life.
In some ways I think my writing reflects my own sexual journey. Most of my characters are at the sexually beautiful age because that’s the kind of story that sells. But the stories I write have moved from the skin to skin of the physical act to the whole body, three dimensional experience of the sensual act, the mental and emotional act the personal act that all add up to the total package of our sexuality.
I suppose a big part of that has to do with my endless fascination with what actually makes sex so damn magical? Why is it the thing that intrigues us most about being human, while at the same time the thing that frightens us most?
How deep our sexuality goes into our human nature becomes more visible with experience, and experience comes with age. While it’s the air brushed, waxed well coiffed and fit sex, the visible sex of youth and beauty we want to see and read about and imagine, it’s a far bigger picture of the Self we reach when our sexuality is allowed to guide us through middle age and beyond.
While we may pine for youth and beauty, we’d never want to give up the depth of sexual experience, of life experience that leads us to sex invisible and the secret smiles that maybe don’t drive story and don’t sell perfume, but sure as hell make life sizzle long past middle age.
Last week we made a little mistake. We said it was all quiet and there was little to report. Just as the Nazi's came out in Charlottesville. We recorded that episode a bit earlier than normal so we could go to a super secret meeting that weekend.
Out hearts go out to the victoms in Charlottesville and Barcelona. We wish you all the best.
"The price of freedom is eternal vigilance" - Leonard H. Courtney
On top of all that Bruce Forsyth [9:35] has died.
Indian women are protesting politicians in their home country who think women should be at home late at night.
On the rise in the UK are incidents of men trying to take pictures up womens skirts. In what can only be termed assult, some perpertaitors actually seem to think it is fine.
The number 15,000 has been thrown around a lot recently as the number of tensgender personnel serving in the US military. It seems that number is well off the mark to the tune of about 5 thousand.
There just isn't the time to go into the huge pay gap for women working at the BBC.
When you have a kink you must love sex right? That simply isn't the case, you can plnety of kinks that have nothing to do with sex. How you want enjoy your kinks is totally up to you and you can do it how you want.
I’ve previously written here about some of the questions asexuals receive about our sexuality (or lack thereof).
One I didn’t cover was the responses we receive when we come out as kinky. Kinksters are generally considered to be people with a PhD in sex, so it’s understandable that when the average person finds out someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction is kinky it would cause gears to grind to a halt in their head and the words: ‘But, I thought you were asexual?’ to come flying out of their mouths with great haste.
Kink can be about anything you want it to be about. Power, control, trust, creativity. Even for sexual people, some kinks aren’t sexual. Sploshing (playing with food, mud, paint, etc), for instance, can just be about having fun and making a big mess like you’ve been told not to since you were a child.
Some kinks are sensation based. Being tickled or caressed with silky fabrics or having warm (not hot) wax dripped on the body can be about the specific feeling occurring and can be meditative when it’s not being used as a way to get from point A to point Sex.
Allowing a person to do these sorts of things and trusting they aren’t using it as a way to initiate sex is incredibly intimate and, for asexuals, a relief. BDSM encourages communicating and respecting boundaries, as well as enjoying specific activities for what they are in a way that non-kinky sex doesn’t always, where penetrative sex is often seen as the ultimate goal of any sort of affection.
There are also fetishists that simply like the feel, sight or smell of wearing latex, rubber, leather, silk, or any other textile or texture you can think of. It may be sexual or it may just be sensual.
Another non-sexual way to enjoy kink is heavy bondage—where a person is completely encased in what’s called a body bag or something similar. This sort of equipment makes sex impossible. Some people find the experience sexually arousing while others find it comforting and relaxing. Finally, they can stop worrying about answering every text—they literally can’t see, hear or reach their phone! It gives them permission to forget about work for the hour or so they’re being restrained.
Kink can be used to trigger neurochemicals that give a person a natural high—this is usually achieved by administering pain in carefully orchestrated ways (not just hauling off and having a go at someone). This feeling is called ‘subspace’. One of the best parts of subspace is there’s no hangover. It can be triggered by intense psychological domination in some cases, as well.
Role play is about, well, play. Once we’re over a certain age we’re no longer allowed to make up characters and pretend to be anything other than who we are. There’s no rule that says the only time you can pretend to be another person is when you want to get your genitals out. Kink is about finding people who want to be creative—who celebrate creativity. You can create characters for one scene or discover an aspect of yourself to bring back again and again. Costumes and props not required.
Above all, BDSM scenes are collaborative and require communication. The bottom (person receiving stimulation) has to know themselves well and be able to communicate what they need and want from various types of scenes and the top (person running the scene) has to take that information and use it to create something they’ll both enjoy. As the people involved get to know and trust one another more, scenes can become more involved and intense and emotionally intimate.
This one gets its own heading because it’s a bit more complicated to explain. (And it’s my favourite.)
Service is more about identity—it’s about the DS in the middle of BDSM, or the people who identify as Dominant or submissive.
Some people find a deep sense of satisfaction in being useful to their leader type, which can be a Dominant, Master, Owner or other person they’ve allowed to have a consensual leadership position in their life. Doing things for that person is called ‘providing service’ and can literally be anything. Cleaning the house, grooming the dog, running errands, handling taxes. Whatever the follower type (submissive, slave, pet, property, etc) is good at.
It’s important that the follower be good at the service they’re providing, as both members of the power exchange (or authority transfer) want the relationship to succeed. Followers want to make their leaders happy and leaders want to provide opportunities for their followers to make them happy. Assigning someone a task they can’t accomplish is called setting someone up to fail and it’s a sign of the bad kind of sadist who’s on a serious power trip.
People who derive great enjoyment from making life easier for their leader type are called service-oriented submissives. This is the title even if you identify as a slave or property or human puppy. Sexual service is a type of service some people provide, if you’re wondering, but it doesn’t have to be and it’s not a given.
Not everyone who is submissive enjoys providing service. They may do as they’re told because it makes their leader type happy and they like that part. Some of us are lucky and we genuinely love doing chores (no, a service-oriented submissive cleaning service doesn’t exist.)
People who provide service may get everything they need from the service itself and may not even engage in kink play with their leader type.
Or they may have full on kinky monkey sex with them. That’s to be decided between each couple or group just like any other consensual relationship.
There are myriad ways to connect with and be attracted to other people—intellectually, romantically, physically, sexually, emotionally, and so on. Kink scenes and relationships provide an entire playground of ways to explore those connections, deepen your intimacy and learn about your partner(s) and yourself.
This week we are talking about Body Positivity based on Candy Snatch's article (listen to the previous episode to hear the audio version). It is something we all encounter every day. For some it is a non-issue, they are at ease with who they are. But for many feeling positive about their own body is something they find hard to do.
This week CandySnatch has written an article about body positivity and what it means to her. Why you need to stop being so critical of how you look and concentrate on how you feel. You might be able to control how you look, you might not. But it doesn't define who you are, you get to decide that.
We are talking about this weeks article on protectors.
A lot of people coming into the kinky scene (female subs especially) can think it is a good idea to have someone look after them. There are plenty in the scene who are willing to help them. But are they really doing it for the right reasons and is it really healthy? That is what we are talking about.