This week we need to appologise a little as we missed last weeks episode. Technical problems abound and it just wasn't going to happen. This week there is still technical issued going on but we did at least get the episode out.
We do get a little ranty on politics this week. Not a huge surprise considering the attacks and the general election we have just had. If that isn't your thing then I'm sorry about that but we just can't seem to let it go.
Chav: The demonization of the working class by Owen Jones. While I don't know how biased the author is he does go into a lot of detail on what has happened in British Politics and how one group of people have been specifically attacked for no reason other than being poor. It's a tough read in places but worthwhile.
Last weeks article was written by Emmeline Peaches on how for some Rope Bondage is a form of meditation and can help them release their anxieties. It isn't going to work for everyone but for some it is just perfect.
This week ACoupleOfKinks are talking about how she came out to her partner and what being "bi" meant to her. How she struggled to even realise that is what she was and by reading other peoples accounts she was able to process her own feelings and understand who she was. It is a great read so do check it out on the site.
Show notes coming
This week we are talking about Asexuality based on the article written for us by The Pageiest.
While coming out of an award ceremony where Caitlyn had been awared the Loud and Proud trophy following her transistion last year, she was abused by some thug in London. Fortunately the police are taking it seriously.
The Conservative Manifesto lays out the plan for the government to control all aspects of how the British use the Internet. Not only looking to control access to terrotist material and hate speach they have worded those to be the equivilent to porn as being harmful to us all.
"In harnessing the digital revolution, we must take steps to protect the vulnerable and give people confidence to use the internet without fear of abuse, criminality or exposure to horrific content", the manifesto claims in a section called 'the safest place to be online'.
Find out more and know what you are voting for
Being put to the vote in Oregon at the moment is a law that will allow a third "not specified" gender to be allowable on driving licenses in the state.
This is a huge step forward for civil rights in the US in recognising that male and female are not the only options.
Being Asexual is something that isn't talked about often. But there are a lot of people out there who don't feel the need for sex as other people do.
That doesn't mean they don't want companionship or have other needs they want filled. They simply don't focus on sex as their main focus.
Alix Fox on the Close Encounters podcast did a great interview with someone who identifies as asexual.
But there is a lot of misconceptions out there around what asexual people must be like. Of course none of those misconceptions are true but they persist.
Make sure you checkout The Pageist her blog and her podcast.
This week we are talking about our article called "Why you need Kinky Friends written" by Emmeline Peaches.
I quickly went back and looked over what we have done and it turns out the podcast is over a year old.. and we managed to get to this point without missing any episodes. Which is a huge shock to me.
If you have been listening for a year, thank you.
The police in Ireland are investigating a complaint of blasphemy regarding comments Stephen Fry made on a TV show in Ireland (in 2015).
If you are not offended by peoples opinions or opinions that might not be your own check out what Stephen Fry said.
Check out a clip from Holy Flying Circus, it is hilarious. It is a film well worth watching, very funny with a strong message.
During the swearing in of Jeff Sessions to be the next Attorney General a woman laughed when Senator Richard Shelby said that he had a record of "treating all Americans equally under the law".
She faces up to a year in prison.
Whether you are kinky or not having kinky friends is good for you. It allows you to open up and talking about aspects of yourself with someone who won't judge you for the things you think or feel. That sort of friendship can be incredibly liberating.
This week we are joined by the amazing Candy Snatch as we talk about why plus size latex is important. Sorry if the sound quality isn't up to our normal standards, we did this in the car just after our photo shoot so not in the normal studio.
Trumps newest appointment thinks that IUDs actually kill babies in the womb and has the backing of various groups known for their anti-LGBT stance.
Yoest has also said that she believes abortions cause breast cancer—a claim that has been thoroughly debunked by cancer experts—and that contraception doesn't reduce abortion rates—an idea that has also been debunked through non-partisan scientific research.
An interesting pick considering now she is in charge of the health of millions of people.
Net neutrality is what gives all websites on the Internet a level playing field in terms of people being able to visit them. There is no preference paid to one website over another so everyone has a fair chance of being heard.
The new administration wants to get rid of these rules and allow cable companies to charge companies to get preferential treatment over others who don't/can't pay.
The Chechen government is in the process of moving gay people to concentration camps and killing them. This has been reported a number of times but for some reason hasn't made it too the mainstream media.
This week it was discussed in parliament and yet somehow it still hasn't become big news.
New research shows that the body size of mannequins in shops presents an image to men and women that is unobtainable.
"Because ultra-thin ideals encourage the development of body image problems in young people, we need to change the environment to reduce emphasis on the value of extreme thinness.
We have started our own range of plus size clothing (at the moment in latex) because there is a serious lack of anything out there for plus size people (and anything over a 16 is a plus size - 40% of the population).
Make sure you go and checkout Candy Snatch and visit her site.
They have actually already started to appear on our Instagram so go check them out there.
This week we are talking about the article written for us by Candy Snatch on Plus size fashion woes.
The idea of a "plus size" isn't one we really like when everyone of size 16 or above is classed as "plus size" when that actually covers 47% of the population.
Andrew Turner the MP for the Isle of Wight has stepped down after talking to a group of students and telling them that he thought homosexuality is "wrong" and "dangerous to society".
The digital economies bill has gain royal ascent which means it is only a matter of time before it becomes law here in the UK. It has far reaching effects on the Internet, one of the most chilling is forcing porn sites to verify the age of the user before they come onto the site. This is going to have an incredibly damaging effect on the growing indy porn scene here in the UK, let alone cam-girls and other home grown porn related sites.
But the reach if much larger than that. Any porn site that can be viewed from the UK must verify the age of the user or will be blocked in the UK.
Pandora Blake has made a great video on what it is and how it works. Check it out and support her on Patreon.
If you are thin finding clothes isn't a problem. You can find interesting designs in fun colours. But if you are plus size (as almost half of the UK population is) you have a much harder time.
A lingerie show in the UK called Livi Rae was asked to take down pictures of plus size and disabled models from their shop windows because they were "in poor taste".
If it has been thin models as they had previously had nothing would have been said. But because these models were outside the norm it wasn't acceptable. The very definition of discrimination.
This week we are talking about anxiety and events. Based on the post written for us by Princess of Kink. Anxiety is something that affects a lot of people but everyone tends to feel they are alone in it, when really everyone in the room and be feeling it some extent.
A teenager in Cornwall is being forced to study on his own after he had his head shaved to support his friend who has cancer. Normally this is something I can understand, a school has to have a certain level of uniform with their students, but it seems a little extreme to punish this boy when he was doing such a good thing for his friend and charity.
Recently I wrote an article for EAN magazine on the We Vibe that had been found to be sending back usage information to the company every time it was used. Another one has been found to be totally insecure.
Read more about it on Endagadget
A judge in Utah called the Mormon bishop he just sentenced for raping a woman "A good man". It is unbelievable that this judge showed such poor taste as he praised the rapist in the dock in front of the victim.
The case is still going on but the judge in Fort Collins made the point hat if men can do it then women should be able to as well. We are really hoping that this gets upheld because it is unfair that womens breasts are seen as only being sexual objects when men don't have that problem.
It is something that is so common yet people think they are on their own. We talk about the ways anxiety can hit and how it can affect someone.
This week we are talking about our article on Couples with Depression written by Princess of Kink.
In case you didn't know there was a hurricane in New Zealand (Pixie's homeland) but fortunately it mostly missed the land and everyone was OK.
But before we go into that there are a couple of rants.
We have been working on latex clothing for going on for a year, it is a labour of love for us. But it isn't kinky, it isn't about sex. It is about great looking fashion for plus-size people. Something that isn't really out there, something we feel is important.
So we were sorting out a photo shoot. It was going to be a 50's inspired shoot on the beach wearing one of our dresses. Not a fetish shoot, but just a straight fashion shoot. The model would be more covered up in our pictures than in most beach shots.
We hired a beach hut to use while we were there, mostly to use to get changed in, store the gear, do makeup in etc. We wanted to doa few shots with the hut as a background but nothing more than that. Found a company and had it all booked.
Then the company got in touch and wanted to know what we were doing. So I told them (big mistake). They decided to cancel the booking because they didn't think latex was appropriate.
This isn't the first time we have come against this sort of discrimination and I'm sure it won't be the last time.
We just want to say a big thank you for Godemiche (Adam and Monika) and everyone who has been so supportive when we talked about this on twitter.
Check out Godemiche's weekly live show on Tuesdays at 10pm on Instagram, Perescope, Facebook. They are always fun and really imformative.
This weeks was a really honest and open article about what it is like when both people in a relationship suffer from depression. It isn't something that is really talked about very often. It is always just assumed that one of the people in the couple will help the other one.
But sometimes that just isn't the case. When both sides of the relationship are suffering who is going to help them?
Show notes coming soon
This week we are talking about our post on Sex and Depression written by Jillian Boyd. It is a very important subject and while it can be tough it is something we need to talk about.
Check out the fantastic story of an Alabama drive in owner who refused to show Beauty and the Beast because of a gay character, but was going to show a film about Drag Queens - Thanks CallMeCara.
A man is being held on a bond for doing nothing more than wearing Joker make-up. Because in the Virginia it is illegal to 'wear a mask'. Outrageous.
The conversation continues with the UK government want access to all of our encrypted messages. Check out Computerphile's video on End to End encryption if you are a little nerdy.
A prominent software developer who helps develops the Drupal content management system. Has been asked to distance himself from the project because he likes BDSM.
Go to the article and see the picture then wonder why a school has suspended her. Besides the fact there is nothing in the picture to worry about, it was done entirely in her own private life.
Manchester city council will be the first to open a retirement centre for LGBT citizens. This is fantastic, because they do have different wants and needs from others.
Depression is a horrible and debilitating condition, it can and does affect every aspect of your life. But something that isn't talked about it how it can screw up your sex life.
Something that is so important to the core of so many people can be horribly affected without any warning at all.
It is a really great article and we can't fully do it justice.
This week we are talking about Mutual Masturbation written by Molly Moore. But before we go into that we just need to say how sad we are for the attack that happend in London this week and our sympathies are with the families.
This is actually a topic I wrote an article for EAN magazine on months ago. It turned out the WeVibe which is controlled by a mobile phone app actually logs all sorts of information about the user every time it is used. Including when it was used, settings, and even temperature. There was no mention of this on their website of in their terms an conditions. So it has ended up in court and they have lost badly.
We have talked about Uber in the past and their shameful business practices that seem to be going inside the company. As part of that the COO has stepped down saying "It is now clear, however, that the beliefs and approach to leadership that have guided my career are inconsistent with what I saw and experienced at Uber". So it seems the problems run deep at the company and it is now starting to affect their management.
YouTube has been caught hiding videos put out by LGBT creators when restricted mode was turned on. This meant content that was perfectly safe was not appearing for users of the system.
It was really interesting reading this weeks article and explore some of the ideas around it. There is a lot to discuss and there is a surprising depth to the topic. From a couple doing it part of their play to teaching someone else what you like. It can be used in so many ways.
Because we covered Eroticon last week we are covering two topics this week. First isPiecing together peace by Emmeline Peaches. The second is Erotic Massage byVictoria Blisse.
Both great topics and we have a lot to say on them, but before that it was a great week for rants.
Kink.com are one of the major producers of porn in the US. They produce all sorts of weird and wonderful types of porn and employ a large number of people to produce it on a regular basis.
They have famously owned the The Armory in San Francisco. Previous a home for the national guard, it is an easily recognisable building.
This is an interesting article because it shows there isn't the money in making porn there once was. Kink.com is a large company that makes a lot of content, and has done for a long time. If anyone knows what they are doing it is them. But (and I am seeing this more and more) there is now such easy access to free porn sites like Kink.com are struggling to make it work for them.
But there does also seem to be an growing emergence of small independent producers like Pandora Blake who can make a great living catering to a very specific niche (Spanking in Pandora's case).
It is going to be interesting to see where this goes.
Being a white male is a privileged position, it doesn't always feel that way but I am becoming more and more away of how much better I have it than a lot of people.Cara Sutra wrote a great post on Admitting my privilege and realising I'm a feminist after all.
John Allen (Chairman of Tesco) told a group of aspiring non-executive directors that white men have become an "endangered species". Where experts say the numbers do not match Mr Allen's assessment in the least. Women accounted for only 29% of appointments to board last year, the lowest proportion since 2012.
It is unfortunate that the chair of one of the largest companies in the UK doesn't understand the privileged position he is in by being white and male. His inability to see the gifts he has been given speak a lot about his views on women.
Original article in the Financial Times
A father who raped his gay daughter to prove “sex was better with men” has been jailed for 21 years.
This one just totally boggles my mind. What is wrong with someone to think that the right thing to do when their own daughter comes out to them as being gay is to rape her to prove sex with men in better?
There are literally no words that really cover how we feel about this.
Original article in the Independent
A catholic high school in Illinois put out a lengthily prom dress code handbook that commented on which dresses certain body shapes could wear and what they couldn't. There were 21 slides in total with 15 of them being aimed only a the girls.
In the same article Ed Sheeran signs the best sick note ever.
Emmeline writes a great article on why crafting can be an incredibly calming experience. The act of making something with your hands, the repetitive nature of doing the same task again and again, thinking only about what you are working on now.
All these things have a wonderfully calming effect on the brain, and provide a wonderful distraction from the every day stresses we all have.
It is something we have seen again and again at events when we are crafting with people. After a little while when they have got the hang of what they are doing they go very quiet and simply focus on getting their job done. After they have finished, besides feeling very proud of themselves for making something, they will say they found it a very therapeutic experience.
Do you put enough time into looking after your partner? Perhaps a good massage is something you need to try? It doesn't have to lead to sex, it can be simply a pleasurable and relaxing experience for the both of you to enjoy each others company and let off a little of the everyday strains.
We are just back from Eroticon and it was a lot of fun, but a lot of work. But it was great to catch up with so many of the bloggers and authors we talk to on a regular basis. A huge hand needs to go to Molly, Michael, and Girl on the Net for all the work they put into making Eroticon happen.
Drive in theatre in Alabama will NOT be showing the new Disney film "Beauty and the Beast" because the director has said one of the characters (not a main one) is gay.
If I can’t sit through a movie with God or Jesus sitting by me then we have no business showing it. I know there will be some that do not agree with this decision. That’s fine. We are first and foremost Christians. We will not compromise on what the Bible teaches. We will continue to show family oriented films so you can feel free to come watch wholesome movies without worrying about sex, nudity, homosexuality and foul language.
They make a great point in the article that the theatre is happy to show a film about a Polynesian Demi-God (Moana) and a film glamorising the suicide bombings of government installations (Rogue One). But a film with a gay character... no thank you.
There is so much to talk about it is hard to know where to start. The best part of being at the event was getting to meet all the amazing writers and bloggers we work with.
We work with so many talented people but a lot of them are either at the other end of the country, or in another country all together. Finally getting meet them face to face makes it so much better.
There were so many great people, and I know there are a ton here we have missed off. But do check out Formidable Femme, @MarvyDarling (Sorry I cocked up your name, totally dropped the r), Emmeline Peaches, The Pageist, Scandarella, Gryphon,Candy Snatch, Violet Fenn, Sub bee, Tabatha Rayne....
and so many many more.
If you have never been to event like this you need to go to experience it. Eroticon especially is excellent, and well worth going to. Once you have been you will be count down the days to the next one.
Sorry about the bad audio quality at the start of the audio. I was messing around with the settings and didn't notice the audio was clipping out. I got it under control a little way into the recording. So please bare with it.
This week we are talking about our blog article "Why you need a fetish trainer" written by Jetsetting Jasmine. We talk about what it is, who Jetsetting Jasmine is, and why you might want to consider it.
We do know That's the spot who does do some couples work but this is very different.
What would be a week with some good rants?
The report in Archives of Sexual Behaviour revealed a "variety of behaviors couples can try to increase orgasm frequency". The report talked to a lot of people from all different walks to determine who was getting the best and most varied sex.
The proportion of people who usually orgasmed was:
This week a former Uber employee called Susan Fowler write an article on what it was like to work for the tech giant. It turns out the company is awash with rampant sexism and disgraceful behaviour.
From being propositioned for sex on the first day... by her boss. To being told the women of the company wouldn't get jackets like the men because there weren't enough of them to make it worthwhile.
Uber is taking steps to look at what has been said to try and chance the culture. Only time will tell if they can fix the problems.
Originally spotted in The Verge
From the Daily Mail a video shows a woman being catcalled from a van as she waits on her bike at traffic lights. After the van moves away she races after them, and when she catches them she breaks a wing mirror off the vehicle.
Fake News - It turns out this isn't actually real, the Huffington Post has revealed this was actually setup by a company in Shoreditch.
Written by Jetsetting Jasmine who is actually going to be at Eroticon, so we are really looking forward to saying hello.
We asked her to write this article because she is a trained therapist and runs her own fetish training companies. They work with a lot of people on this exact subject to help them understand more about their own desires.
What we liked the most was their approach to someone who finds they don't enjoy a fetish. That isn't a negative outcome, that is exactly what they want because it shows someone has realised what THEY want, and is now able to talk about it. that isn't a failure, it is a success.
Knowing where to start with fetishes is hard. If it is something you have never done before where can you start? There is information out there on the Internet, but that doesn't work for everyone. Especially if they find the things they like hard to deal with.
This is where a fetish trainer can come in and really help someone understand not just how a fetish works, but if it is something they want to explore, and how.
This week we are talking about what it is like to be a pro-domme. Based on the article written for us by Dominar Jen. We talk about what it was like for where, the ups and the downs.
Before we start. Is it said like "Dom" or "Domm-e"? You hear both ways of saying it out in the world which is the right way? I think you say it like you say the French work "Femme", you would say it "Fem". That way the words "Dom" and "Domme" are actually said the same way because they mean the same thing. They are just written differently to denote the sex of the person.
A UK court tells a woman she must stay with her husband who she wants to divore for no other reason than this was "of the kind to be expected in marriage". This is incredibly unusual in the UK and not something we thought we see here in the UK.
Find the full story on the BBC
A great article on Psychology Today written by@MichaelAaronPhD (based on research done by @Dr_Markie_Twist (Website)) about debunking popular myths around BDSM. Based on a actual study done on 200 people, this ethically approved study used a number of standard based approaches to see what people who enjoyed BDSM were really like.
Looking into things like "Do people who enjoy BDSM come from abusive childhoods?". Of course they don't, and the study finds there is no corolation at all between abuse and BDSM.
It is well worth your time reading the study and looking at the tests they actually did.
Written for us by Dominar Jen who was a Pro-Domme for a year so is well places to talk about her experiences. She is actually one of this years top 100 sex bloggers which is how we found out about her and her great blog.
The term "Pro-Domme" is a loaded one. It seems to conjour up this image of a beautuful woman, rising crop in hand, and high black boots.
The reality is it is a really hard job where you are providing very personal services to people. But it isn't who that person really is.
Jen makes the great point that she isn't the one in control when she is providing this service. She is Topping people at best, it isn't Doming someone when they are paying for a service.
While she loves Domming people this was a job, and while that means it wasn't always fun it was fun 75% of the time. Which is pretty good for any job.
Yeah right. It is far from easy to do this as a job. Sometimes the clients likes will line up with her own but often it just wouldn't but she would still have to do it.
This week we are talking about the article written for us by Erryn Embers on Whorepobia.
Where is a good week without a couple of nice rants?
A cinema in Ireland has banned single men from seeing the new "50 shades darker" film on their own. It seems the owner of cinema is terrified of women become too caught up in this raunchy film and won't be able to control themselves.
"The film is basically porn for women, going on what the distributors are describing to us."
I hate to say this but women have been able to watch porn for a while now, they even great porn made just for. I don't think this is going to do much for them.
See the original article here.
Police in France have claimed that an officer anally raped a 22-year-old black man with a truncheon by mistake.
This happened recently in France and has caused a massive outcry. The abuse of black men by police in the country has been appalling. With feelings over the mess reaching fever pitch.
The youth worker suffered such severe injuries to his rectum during an arrest last week in Aulnay-sous-Bois, north of Paris, that he needed major emergency surgery and remains in hospital.
But when an internal investigation has concluded with a finding of "insufficient evidence" that the man was raped.
To his credit the magistrate over looking this was not happy and has charged one of the police officers with rape and is still investigating the case. Three other officers have been charged with assault and all four have been suspended.
See the original article from the Independant.
FetLife was forced to take action after one of the large card companies asked for its card processing accounts to be closed. Their only available response was to get rid of any and all questionably content.
It is worrying when a card issuer can force a site to close and give no reason for their decision with no way to appeal the decision.
The DailyXtra has a good article covering what happened.
This comes off the back of and article that was on this weeks womans hour (listen to it here) and ended up with an article in the Guardian.
The basic contention being that some guy watching porn in public is harassing women.
Someone we know and have talked to a lot if Charlotte Rose. She is an activist and a sex workers. So it really sickens me when she posted this tweet of what someone was saying to her.
It is a great example of Whorephobia. The hatred of a sex worker for no reason other than that they are a sex worker.
BBC has just put out a great video of "Things not to say to a sex worker" it is only 6 minutes long and well worth a watch.
This week we are talking about our article sex work law reform and the Nordic model vs the New Zealand model (if you don't know what that means it is OK we will explain it.) Written by: Screw Taboo
The UK government used Trump's inauguration to sneak out a change to out tax law that will force women who want to keep their tax credits for their third child, to prove it was rape that was the cause of that child. Otherwise they will not receive tax credits.
This is from an article I found in the Independent. It is simply outrageous and utter tone deaf of the government to do something like this.
An 84 year old retired dentist has had is car written off when vandals attacked it during the night. The reason... because it was spoiling the view of their picturesque village.
Find out more from this article in the telegraph.
If you become angry at the sound of someone eating you might have Misophonia. It is a condition that, when triggered by the right sound, will cause you to get instantly angry.
A whole study was done, check it out in the New Scientist.
The difference between the Nordic model vs the New Zealand model. In brief the the Nordic model doesn't criminalise selling sex but keeps buying sex illegal. The New Zealand model entirely legalises sex work in all its forms. Meaning sex works get the rights and responsibilities that all employees and employers have.
We talk about what those two models mean, what the UK law is like, and does it make sense to go down this path of opening it up.
This week we are talking about our article based on the Valentine's gift guidewritten by Scandarella. Check out the article for a list of great things you can get for your valentines.
How could I resist checking out the new pornhub statistics for 2016, and they are worth looking at. If nothing else just for the fun they have had with the graphics.
There is an interesting selection of stats for the British. But the one I understand the least is the term "British Chav" I was hoping we had a little more class than that but it turns out that we don't.
The great thing about these statistics is that they show not just the searches but the searches broken down by gender. So not only do women come in around the 30% of all people using the site they are more intrested in searching for the term "lesbian" than men.
They have also gone to the trouble is breaking down the major sporting events of the year and show they affect an event like the super bowl has on viewing figures.
Personally we don't feel like you need a specific day to appreciate the love of your life, but if it helps you focus on the other person in your life then enjoy it.
This week we are talking about our post Red Flags written for us byMolly Moore.
Trump is President, and if you wanted to ever start a podcast now is probably a good time to do it because you will never be out of material while Trump is in charge.
What was really interesting was the lack of people who actually attended the inauguration. Then the new administration claimed it was the most popular ever in spite of the facts.. claiming them as "Alternative facts".
Sam Bee's report on Steven Mnuchin, the new Treasury Secretary. It is really just horrifying who is being put in.
Thanks for Jess for this suggestion of the BBC Three series "Sex on the Edge" about peoples kinks. From breath play to chastity it covers a real wide range of topics, but does it in a thoughtful and honest way.
It is a really good watch, well worth your time checking out.
It is amazing that in this day and age anyone would think it is OK for a husband to beat his wife. But that seems to be case in Russia, it is perfectly fine.
Molly did a great job laying out some simple red flags everyone should pay attention to when they crop up in your relationship.
None of these are a simple "if it pops up them it is always wrong" but the key thing to understand is if you feel something is wrong then trust your gut.
Key flags to pay attention to:
If you are uneasy don't brush that aside. You deserve to be happy in you relationships.
This week we are joined by Molly Moore as we talk about this weeks article written by Kayla Lords.
She is a blogger, a photographer, a published author, public speaker, and the operations director for Eroticon. She also living in a 24/7 D/s relationship with her partner DomSigns. She speaks openly about their relationship and has even been on Channel 4 to talk about how it works for them.
We have been wanting to get Molly on the show for some time and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to do it.
There is a lot of fantasy around what that sort of relationship must be like, but the reality is something very different. Like all realtionships it takes a lot of work to understand the other person in the relationship before you can even start to dive deep into the Domination and submission that both sides want.
Molly talks about how it works for her. What she wants and how they get to something that works for the both of them. She also shares her thoughts on what it takes to make this sort of relationship work and gives some tips on things you can do to make it work, and things you should avoid.
A lot of people in these sorts of relationships say they feel a very deep connection with their partner because opening up about how these things make you feel means you have to share a lot about who you are and what you want. But like all things, it takes work.
Thank you too Molly Moore for coming onto the show this week. Make sure you check out Eroticon and come to this amazing event 4th - 5th March. We will be there, and we are really looking forward to it.
This week we are talking about relationship anarachy, what it means and what it is. This is based on the blog postRelationship Anarchy: A different approach by Screw Taboo
I spoke to a couple of other podcasters this week, they are great and worth talking to.
The Pageist has a podcast on BDSM and Sex-positive book reviews. This week she reviewed our website andpodcast (always a little nerve wrecking). We are actually going to be on her show very soon. Make sure you check her out, even if you are not that interested in erotica. She covers a lot of non-fiction and a fair amount about herself, and is usually very funny.
Check out The Pageist podcast feed
Kinky Discussions is much more focused on BDSM and the personal experiences of the hosts DC Bear and Tiger Stripes. They have a lot of fun talking about the topic very openly and honestly. Nothing is out of bounds but it is fun and approachable.
We had a great chat about education in the BDSM community and where it can be improved.
Check out their show or catch them on twitter.
A bit of a strange concept, but one that is worth understanding. Read the article (more then once) and dig into how you feel about it.
Basically it is all about approaching your relationships from the perspective that you can decide how you want them to be. There doesn't have to be a primary relationship is you don't want one to be, just as your other relationships (sexual or not) can also be very important to you.
You love isn't deminished by loving more than one person.
The basic concept comes from a manifest put out by Andy Nordgren in 2006.
Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique
Love and respect instead of entitlement
Find your core set of relationship values
Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don’t let fear lead you
Build for the lovely unexpected
Fake it til’ you make it
Trust is better
Change through communication
Customize your commitments
If you don't know much about Star Wars Rebels then stop now as this is something of a spoiler. But is it right to bring actors back from the dead to star in films?
We hope you have had a lovely Christmas and New Year and are all ready for the year ahead. We have started the new year with more earth quakes in New Zealand with another large quake possible.
Something we didn't think about was keeping track of how many things we made this year. A shame would have been fun to tell everyone.
As of the 1st of January your internet service provided is obliged to keep a record of every website you visit. As we have previously talked about the UK government can now do this without any reason to suspect you of anything and will keep the records for a year.
This week we are talking about the article written for us by Molly Moore onWhat's new in 2017.
If you have never done it before why not checkout a fetish market likeBirmingham Bizarre Bazaar or London Alternative Market.
If you are worried there is a great British trick to help you cope. Go and have a cup of tea. Nothing bad can happen while you are having a tea.
There are plenty of other great events you can check out that aren't as scary as going to a full on play event. From Smut UK and their events for erotic writers to the fantastic classes taking place at the Sh Womanstore.
If you are at all worried about going to a sex shop then this is the one to go to, it is only for women (though men can get in accompanied). They are super nice and there to help, or just happy to leave you too it.
Not talking about play events, there are plenty of those happening all the time. But there are also some much more intelectual events you can check out.
Eroticon - for erotic authors and sex bloggers to get together and talk about blogging, making friends, and learning new skills.
ETO - This is the adult trade show that happens every year. This isn't for the public but if you are involved in the industry it is the place to go to see what is new.
Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit - Another well established event for erotic writers and sex bloggers, this time in the US.
There is some very different toys out there that are very different.
Please note when we recorded this Carrie Fisher was still alive, she died later that day. Our thoughts are with her family.
This week we are talking about New Years resolutions and the articlewritten for us by Rebecca from A Couple of Kinks.
In the news this week the European Court of Justice stepped in on the Snoopers Charter (RIPA). It turns out councils have been using the powers to spy on people for leaving their bins out, or walking their dogs. Not for counter terrorism which is what is supposed to be for.
I think it is fair to say that 2016 has not been the best of years for so many reasons. While every year has it's problems this one seems to be some what special in terms of crappy things happening.
That seems to be an especially sad list because these are all people we have both grown up with, they have all contributed to varying extents to our lives.
It has been an especially sad year for politics with some really terrible situations happening.
The end of the year is a chance to look at the year and think about the coming year. You can decide if you want to change things and the new year can be a good time to do it.
Personally we both think that if you do want to change something about yourself then you should it at any time of the year. It isn't something that you should only do at the end of the year.
You need to find a way to make it work for you. For some the pressure of doing something big can work. But for others that doesn't work at all.
You need to be realistic in what you can do, and putting a huge amount of pressure on yourself to change and do something bit (like going to the gym every day when you haven't been for 6 months) just isn't going to work.
You need to be realistic about what you can achieve and build yourself up.
You are awesome, this year make a promise to yourself to love yourself just a little bit more. For some it can be very hard, but learning to love who you are can change your life.
Merry Christmas! This week we are talking about Kink at Christmas based on this weeks blog post written for us by Victoria Blisse.
I don't know if it is a English thing but do you find there is a black edge to Christmas. While we both love the giving side of Christmas here in the UK I have always thought there is a darker side to the holiday. Watching a good horror film is something that has to be done during the season.
Turns out this might be a UK thing because it isn't the way things are done in New Zealand. Probably largely because Christmas happens in the middle of summer down there.
Something special seems to happen in London during the Christmas season, it just seems to be what London was made for.
Perhaps it is a sign of the times but another alternative market is closing. For anyone who doesn't know Alt Burlesque is an event that happens once a month up and down the country where all manner of alternative companies come to show their products. It is a real shame because they have been running for 8 years.
Along with that there are shows throughout the day from pole dancing to burlesque. When we were there we saw the amazing Tickerty Boo doing two of her routines and they were stunning. She has a few of them up on YouTube if you are interested.
It also means you won't be able to see companies like Sequin Showstoppers quite so easily any more.
If you do want to see one before it is gone the very last one will be happening in Manchester in January.
Being kinky at Christmas isn't always easy, there is so much to get done that it can be do hard to find the time. But if you are of that persuasion it is part of who you are, so while you don't want the family to see it you still want to have fun.
You are not going to break Christmas if you don't get every single thing done. You are allowed to have fun as well. You are allowed to have some time for yourself at Christmas.
Take a bit of a break this Christmas. Have a good time, enjoy your family, but take a little time for you as well.